Why you overreact: The brain science of emotional neglect

Childhood emotional neglect (CEN) can fundamentally train the amygdala to overreact, essentially rewiring the brain's threat-detection system.

The amygdala's response is shaped by the distinction between the fast "low road" and the slower, more accurate "high road" of processing information. In cases of neglect, the low road becomes the default, which can lead to an "amygdala hijack"—a sudden, intense emotional flashback.

The amygdala's function - the brain's alarm system

The amygdala is an almond-shaped cluster of neurons located deep within the brain's temporal lobe that plays a crucial role in emotional processing, particularly fear.

As the brain's alarm system, it acts as a threat detector, rapidly processing sensory information and triggering the "fight-or-flight" response to perceived danger, sometimes even overriding the rational part of the brain. It also has a significant role in forming emotional memories, which influences future behaviors and reactions to certain situations.

The physiological impact of emotional neglect on the amygdala

For a child experiencing emotional neglect, the amygdala's development is particularly impacted due to the absence of a caregiver who can co-regulate their emotions. This lack of soothing and validation forces the child's brain to handle emotional threats alone.

This chronic, unmanaged stress creates a state of toxic stress that fundamentally alters the brain's circuitry. Neuroimaging studies reveal that early neglect can lead to lasting structural and functional alterations in the limbic system, with some showing an enlarged amygdala volume. 

This enlargement can cause a sensitized amygdala that is perpetually "on," driving an increased vigilance for potential threats, even in adulthood. The resulting state is not merely a memory, but a biological re-programming where the amygdala's threshold for alarm is permanently lowered, making it hypersensitive to the emotional cues that were dismissed or ignored during childhood.

How emotional neglect shapes the amygdala

• A broken feedback loop: In a healthy childhood, a child's distress is met with comfort and validation from their caregivers. This strengthens the connection between the emotional part of the brain (the amygdala) and the rational part (the prefrontal cortex). This connection creates a feedback loop that helps the child learn to regulate their emotions and calm down.

• The amygdala stands alone: With CEN, this feedback loop is disrupted. When a child's emotions are routinely ignored or dismissed, the amygdala never learns that it can rely on a caregiver for soothing. Instead, it becomes hypervigilant, constantly on alert for potential threats because it feels it must manage dangers alone.

• Lowered activation threshold: The lack of emotional attunement effectively lowers the amygdala's threshold for activating a threat response. Even minor stressors that a non-neglected person might handle easily can trigger an outsized emotional reaction in someone with a history of CEN.

The "low road" vs. the "high road"

Psychologist Daniel Goleman's model of the emotional brain, influenced by the work of neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux, describes two pathways for processing emotional information.

• The low road (fast and dirty): In this rapid, evolutionary survival route, sensory information travels directly from the thalamus to the amygdala. This bypasses the rational thinking part of the brain entirely, triggering an instantaneous fight-flight-or-freeze response. For someone with CEN, this pathway is the default.

• The high road (slow and thoughtful): This pathway sends sensory information from the thalamus to the prefrontal cortex for rational analysis before it reaches the amygdala. The prefrontal cortex can then override the fear response if it determines the stimulus is not a real threat. A robust high road is crucial for emotional regulation.

From amygdala hijack to flashback

When a person with a history of CEN encounters a trigger that reminds their amygdala of past emotional pain, the "low road" takes over. This triggers an amygdala hijack, which can manifest as an emotional flashback.

• Trigger detected: A situation in the present—like a partner using a certain tone of voice or a colleague's offhand comment—is misinterpreted by the hypervigilant amygdala as a threat.

• Emotional takeover: The amygdala floods the body with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, causing an intense emotional reaction—panic, rage, or overwhelming shame—that is disproportionate to the actual situation. The prefrontal cortex is effectively knocked offline.

• Reliving the feeling: The individual feels the same powerful, unmanageable emotions they experienced as a child. They feel small, helpless, and alone, convinced that they are once again in danger. The flashback is not a memory of the event itself, but a re-experience of the emotions surrounding it.

What happens during an emotional hijack?

An emotional hijack can feel chaotic and overwhelming. Some common signs include:

• Physical changes: Your heart rate increases, your palms get sweaty, your muscles tense, and your breathing becomes shallow.

• Impaired thinking: Your thoughts race, and you may find it difficult to think clearly or remember things.

• Emotional flooding: You feel a sudden and intense surge of emotion, such as anger, fear, or anxiety, that feels disproportionate to the situation.

• Compulsive reactions: You act on impulse without considering the consequences, which can damage relationships. After the fact, you may feel regret, shame, or embarrassment.

"Self-awareness is the foundation of self-regulation; recognizing our emotions gives us the ability to manage them effectively."

How to get out of a flashback

The key to exiting an amygdala hijack or emotional flashback is to consciously activate the high road and signal to your nervous system that you are safe in the present.

1. Orient and ground yourself: Identify where you are by using your senses. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This technique redirects your attention from the emotional storm to your physical reality.

   
   

2. Use deep breathing: Slow, deep breathing helps calm the body's physiological stress response. The 4-7-8 breathing technique (inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8) can be particularly effective. This process brings oxygen back to the prefrontal cortex, helping to engage rational thought.

   
   

3. Name the emotion: Acknowledge what you are feeling without judgment. Simply label the emotion, such as "This is anxiety" or "I am feeling scared." This practice helps to engage the prefrontal cortex and create distance from the raw, overwhelming feeling.

   
   

4. Affirm your present safety: Remind yourself that the threat is in the past. Use calm, reassuring phrases like, "I am safe now," "That was then, this is now," or "I am an adult and can take care of myself".

   
   

5. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Your overreaction is not a failure; it's a normal response to an abnormal childhood. Forgive yourself for not reacting perfectly.

   
   

6. Find a safe place: If possible, move to a quiet, private location. Give yourself space to process and recover without external pressure.

   
   

7. Seek professional help: A professional, especially one specializing in CEN or Complex PTSD, can provide additional strategies and help you process the root causes of the hypervigilance.

The amygdala is a powerful, protective force that we've all relied on at some point. But in our modern world, with its subtle and psychological stressors, it needs an occasional reality check. 

By understanding how your brain's alarm system works and practicing small, intentional actions, you can build emotional resilience and take back control from the hijack. You can teach your amygdala to be an alert protector, not a constant alarmist, leading to improved relationships, better decision-making, and greater overall well-being.

Support for rewiring habitual behavior

Free 20 min consultation