MEN'S ISSUES
& MIDLIFE CRISIS
| The balanced man |
The Balanced Man
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What does it mean to be a man today?
Not the man society expects, not the man defined by rigid masculine traits or cultural checklists — but a man exploring what it truly means to be human.
Every person carries both masculine and feminine energies, and the most dynamic, creative, and whole way to live is by integrating them.
This is the territory of the androgynous soul — a mind and spirit that aren’t split by gendered expectations, a psyche that is free, creative, and undivided.
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Modern culture often pressures men to live almost entirely in their masculine energy: action, logic, control, and achievement. While these traits have their place, leaning exclusively into them bypasses the deeper work of individuation — the process of becoming a fully realized human being. Men who follow this script may appear competent on the outside but remain disconnected from their emotional lives, creativity, intuition, and relational depth.
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The Androgynous Soul
The concept of the androgynous soul shows us another way. Here, being a man is not about fitting a category but about embodying the full spectrum of human experience. It’s about engaging strength and sensitivity, logic and intuition, decisiveness and vulnerability — all at the same time. Masculine and feminine energies are not opposites; they are complementary forces to explore, integrate, and express.
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This is a radical departure from traditional masculine conditioning. Men are asked to reclaim parts of themselves that have been dismissed, ridiculed, or ignored: creativity, empathy, introspection, and emotional awareness. These qualities are not “soft” traits; they are essential for being human.
“The price of truth is everything, but no one knows what everything means until they’re paying it.” — Jed McKenna
Healing the Mother Wound in Men
The mother wound is the emotional imprint men carry from experiences with their mothers (or primary female caregivers) where they felt unseen, unsupported, or judged. It often manifests as feelings of inadequacy, shame, or a sense that expressing vulnerability is unsafe. Men may internalize messages like “don’t cry,” “don’t be weak,” or “your feelings aren’t important,” which can shape their self-image, relationships, and emotional availability well into adulthood.
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Healing the mother wound requires men to take responsibility for their own emotional development. This is done through self-acceptance, vulnerability, and meeting all parts of ourselves — including the parts that feel abandoned, angry, or rejected — with infinite compassion and love. It means practicing emotional presence, allowing ourselves to feel fully, and integrating the feminine qualities we may have suppressed, such as receptivity, empathy, and nurturing.
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Women can play a supportive role in this healing process, but only when they do not recreate the same patterns that caused the original wound. That means allowing men to express vulnerability, struggle, and emotional depth without shaming, controlling, or overcorrecting. A relationship becomes a space for mutual growth when both partners resist projecting unresolved wounds onto one another and instead foster conscious, compassionate connection.
Healing the Father Wound in Men
The father wound arises from experiences of fathers (or primary male figures) who were absent, critical, controlling, or emotionally unavailable. It often leaves men struggling with direction, confidence, self-discipline, and a sense of internal security. They may feel unsure of their value, fearful of failure, or unable to fully claim their own agency.
Men can heal the father wound by stepping into the role of the responsible adult for themselves. This includes developing direction, maintaining personal boundaries, practicing emotional containment and maturity, fostering self-discipline, and cultivating forgiveness — both toward their fathers and themselves. Showing up as a “self-parent” means offering yourself the guidance, protection, and validation that may have been missing, and using that internal foundation to navigate life with clarity, integrity, and resilience.
"All fear is ultimately fear of no-self." — Jed McKenna
​Individuation, Not Conformity
Individuation is the process of becoming yourself — fully, unapologetically, and without hiding behind prepackaged ideas of masculinity - not even the seemingly more spiritual ones.
A man pursuing individuation observes his patterns, recognizes shadows, and integrates both masculine and feminine energies. He no longer relies on external markers of identity or socially approved definitions of manhood. Instead, he experiments, explores, and creates his own relationship with what it means to be human — strong yet sensitive, decisive yet receptive, independent yet deeply connected.
Midlife
The conventional image of the "midlife crisis"—the sudden sports car purchase, the fling, the desperate attempt to reclaim youth, the stigma on depression—is a cultural cliché, but beneath the caricature lies a profound psychological reality.
Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung viewed this period not as a crisis to be feared, but as a critical, necessary stage of psychological development: the transition into the second half of life.
The turmoil experienced by men in midlife is a summons from the unconscious, a demand for a re-evaluation of the self and the life path chosen thus far. It is an opportunity for individuation—the process of becoming a fully integrated, unique individual.
In the first half of life, a man diligently builds his persona—the identity he wears for the world. This public self is shaped by societal expectations: the stable provider, the successful professional, the responsible family man. This persona is essential for navigating the world, but the "crisis" occurs when this well-constructed mask begins to crack, revealing the unmet needs and neglected aspects of the self beneath.
The shadow contains all the characteristics a man has repressed or disowned because they were deemed unacceptable by his caregivers, society or his own ego—vulnerability, creativity, emotional needs, or a desire for a less conventional life. When a man feels stagnant, restless, or resentful, it is often his shadow pushing for recognition. The urge to break free from routine, even through seemingly irrational acts like buying a motorcycle or changing careers, is the shadow demanding integration and expression.
Jung suggested that we must acknowledge and consciously integrate the shadow, rather than suppress it, to become whole. By midlife, and of course not only during midlife, men begin a profound internal search for meaning, connection, and emotional depth. The intensity of deconstructing the self and meeting the unmet parts of ourselves is often referred to as The Dark Night of the Soul.
The common narrative of a man leaving his wife for a younger partner is a misguided externalization of this inner search. He is not just looking for a new partner; he is seeking the long-neglected feeling function and emotional richness within himself. True progress in midlife involves turning inward to integrate this emotional capacity, leading to a richer, more balanced personality.
This transformational process marks a shift in focus from external achievements (career, status, power) to internal significance (purpose, meaning ful legacy, spiritual depth). It is a messy, necessary process of dismantling a life built on partial truths to make way for a deeper, more authentic, and fully realized self. The "crisis" is merely the crucible of transformation.